On the balance of Ministry and Marriage...

At times, I've heard others (and wondered myself) about the balance and tension between loving my spouse/family vs. serving in ministry. The below story, taken from Gary Thomas' Sacred Marriage, helped paint a very insightful picture for me. Enjoy.

"A campus pastor named Brady Bobbink decided to take Scripture’s admonitions about love seriously. Brady married relatively late in life. He had become well known as a speaker on discipleship and single living, and he was in high demand, with plenty of opportunities to “serve God” through his gift of teaching.

When Brady asked Shirley to become his wife, life changed dramatically. Shirley had two children from a previous marriage, and it wasn’t long before Shirley and Brady began to pray about having a child of their own.

“What would it mean for me to love my wife in this situation?” Brady asked himself. In prayer, Brady made a pledge. If Shirley had another baby, for the first year he wouldn’t accept any outside speaking engagements other than the ones his current position required him to take. Shirley subsequently became pregnant and gave birth to their first boy, Micah. 

Months later, Brady received a lucrative opportunity to speak in Singapore. Brady is a student of history and loves to travel. The chance to go to the Far East was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, plus it would give him the chance to teach Christians from another culture.

He excitedly told Shirley about this great opportunity, then remembered his pledge midway through his conversation, and said out loud, “I can’t go.” 

Shirley tried to release Brady from his pledge. “Honey, I’ll be fine,” she said.

It would have been easy for Brady to play religious games here. “I certainly could have justified it on a noble idea,” he admitted, “preaching to another culture, but if that had really been my passion, I would have moved there and taken my wife and kids with me.” 

Some might think Brady was passing up an opportunity to please God by taking his gospel message to another nation, but Brady realized he could please God by loving his wife in a season in which she needed extra help and attention. To stay home and care for his wife in her need was every bit as much “Christian service” as leaving his hometown to go preach the gospel when he was single. 

“To fail to love my wife and kids rightly in the name of loving other people rightly is a sham,” Brady insists.

Church Life

Your life in the church...
People over programs
Lives over locations
Relationships over ritual
Fellowship over formalism...

Spurgeon Quotes on the Church

Below are 2 great quotes from Spurgeon on the church. I hope they edify you. I came across them in Josh Harris' book Stop Dating the Church.


On the necessity of being involved in a local church for Christians...


"I know there are some who say, 'Well, I have given myself to the Lord, but I do not intend to give myself to the church.'
Now why not?
'Because I can be a Christian without it.'
Are you quite clear about that? You can be as good a Christian by disobedience to your Lord's commands as by being obedient?
What is a brick made for? To help build a house. It is of no use for that brick to tell you that it is just as good a brick while it is kicking about on the ground as it would be in the house. It is a good-for-nothing brick.
So you rolling-stone Christians, I do not believe that you are answering your purpose. You are living contrary to the life which Christ would have you live, and you are much to blame for the injury you do."


On the priority of the gospel in the local church...


"Do not go where it is all fine music and grand talk and beautiful architecture; those things will neither fill anybody's stomach, nor feed his soul. Go where the gospel is preached, the gospel that really feeds your soul, and go often."

Enjoy the bloom

The above flower is a hibiscus. Her name is Heidi. I bought her for Kelley on future Mothers' Day.

We love our hibiscus because she is so very rewarding. We planted her and watered her and every now and then (like good parents) we re-potted her. And every few days, especially during the warm season, she puts out these huge, gorgeous flowers. And we subsequently stand at our backyard balcony door, pull out the camera and take a few pics.

We never attempt to take credit for the awesomeness of a hibiscus flower. Never once while enjoying these blooms have Kell and I got in a fight over who should get credit for the flower's health. "I watered it last! I made this happen, babe!" "Oh yeah? But if I didn't re-pot it while you were watching baseball, the petals would never be this pink, now would they?" That would be stupid to argue over! We simply enjoy the bloom.

Paul compares the ministry of the church to cultivating a plant. "So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth. He who plants and he who waters are one, and each will receive his wages according to his labor. For we are God's fellow workers..." (1 Cor. 3:7-9).

In the life of my church, many people have come to know Jesus as their Savior, sometimes people I have conversations with. I'm sure in your group of friends you have people who are interested in becoming a Christian, or interested in killing sin and committing their lives to Christ more fully. And you know what? We all play a part. It doesn't matter what part you play. You can be an example. You can offer instruction, comfort, teaching, encouragement, and prayers that draw others closer to the Lord. And guess what? You don't need to be a pastor, a worship leader, or an elder to do this.

Do you realize that you are God's fellow workers? It does not matter if you are in front of the church, or befriending people by the donut table in the back (save me a maple bar). What matters is that you work hard and get your hands dirty for the kingdom, and when God moves, step back and enjoy the bloom.

Are we more connected?

Much emphasis these days is on "being connected." We have instant access to information, communication, and relationships. Sites like Facebook & Twitter (not to mention old-school email) allow us instant communication with our friends & acquaintances. We can see pictures of these individuals, hear stories of the joys & frustrations of their weekends, and see all the annoying things they "like" or "dislike." And all of this can be done from a cell phone on a freeway!

Honestly, sites like Facebook are pretty cool. A great way to stay in touch, to stay connected. But are we really more connected now? Are we better friends? Are we closer to one another because of Facebook and other instant online communication? I say no, not necessarily...


Let me explain. Facebook is a great tool to enhance friendships. But it is a horrible replacement for face-to-face, voice-to-voice relationships. Facebook can give me information on what friends, family, and acquaintances are up to and how they are enjoying it. But the key is what do I do with this information? Do I encourage? Do I pray? Do I serve?


My main contention with Facebook's monopoly on interpersonal relationships is that you cannot fulfill the biblical "one-anothers" sufficiently via Facebook:
- "Love one another" (John 13:35; 15:12; 7 times in 1/2 John). 
- "Outdo one another in showing honor...Live in harmony with one another" (Romans 12).
- "Instruct one another (Romans 15:14). 
- "Comfort one another" (2 Cor. 13:11). 
- "Serve one another" (Gal. 5:13). 
- "Bear one another's burdens" (Galatians 6:2). 
- "Be kind to one another" (Eph. 4:32). 
- "Encourage one another" (1 Thess. 5:11; Hebrews 3:13; 10:25). 
- "Do good to one another" (1 Thess. 5:15). 
- "Confess your sins to one another" (James 5:16). 
- "Show hospitality to one another" (1 Peter 4:9).


I'm sorry, but I do not think that we can fulfill all these commands through online, virtual interaction.


Once again, use Facebook. But use it, not primarily to pass time or be entertained with the pics, comments, and posts of others (very funny at times). Use the information you gain from Facebook to enhance your relationships, fellowship, friendships, evangelism, and to fulfill the above convicting list of God's commands to one another!


I would write a little more, but I think I have a few notifications that I must checkup on...

Apathy- Spiritual Nakedness

I have noticed in many of my peers a heightened interest in health, dieting, and exercise. There are generally 2 components to getting in shape. First, you have to quit some unhealthy practices, like eating Taco Bell for every third meal or playing World of Warcraft 28 hours a day. Second, you have to start some active and healthy practices, like exercising or playing a sport. If you don't do both of these things together- quitting unhealthy practices and starting healthy practices- the quest for fitness will be greatly hindered.

And it's the same way with our spiritual lives. Following Christ by faith not only means that we stop doing things that don't honor Him, but also that we start doing things that do honor Him.


In my relative few years of counseling and teaching, both at my college and at my church, I have noticed that most of my fellow Christians aren't stuck in any blatant, crazy sin. What I have observed is that while many of have eliminated (or hidden really well) "huge sins" that dishonor Jesus, we also don't practice positive things for Jesus. We are apathetic. Let me explain. Many of us don't have a problem with murders, affairs, monetary fraud, drugs, alcoholism or child abuse. But many of us also don't practice things God's Word clearly tells us to do: evangelism, missions, disciplined Bible Study, giving money generously toward Kingdom work, ceaseless prayer, Biblical confrontation and restoration, helping the poor, or assisting the addict. In effect, we are the person who has stopped eating Taco Bell all the time, but we still refuse to get up and work out. As a result, we are not nearly in as healthy a spiritual condition as we should be. We are an apathetic people, glad that Jesus has saved us from hell, but confused and careless about the tasks we must pursue passionately while on earth following Christ.

The Bible teaches in Ephesians 4:22-24 that followers of Jesus should indeed remove all sins that dishonor Christ- "put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires." But we should also positively pursue Christ likeness- "put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness." If we only "put off" and refuse to "put on", we are spiritually naked, with no change and passion to show the world. Don't be an apathetic Christian. Remove dirty clothes that dishonor Christ, but don't forget to put on clean clothes that bring Him glory.

The Church: What if no one Yelped?

When planning an activity, date night, or a visit to an unfamiliar place, I use a few online tools to aid my research. Yelp and Trip Advisor are two of my favorite places to get ratings and reviews on local activities, restaurants, and lodging for wherever it is that I may be going. The websites provide basic info and listings (much like an old school phone book) on businesses: addresses, phone numbers, menus, prices, etc. But the most helpful part about sites like these is the user reviews. A hotel may look like a great place to stay until a recent user review points out the large cockroach infestation. A restaurant looks like the perfect setting for a date night, until a user reports the recent drop to a 'B' rating. These user reviews provide firsthand information and insight so that other users (like me) can make good & knowledgeable decisions.

When I visit Yelp and Trip Advisor, I do so selfishly. I only read others' reviews; I don't leave any of my own. The thought recently occurred to me, "What if no one left reviews?!" If everyone acted like me & didn't leave reviews, sites like these would lose their value.

I figure that many of us church-goers today have the same relationship with church that I do with Yelp. We attend when it is convenient for us, or when we want or need something specific, yet we never offer our gifts, experiences, wisdom, and insight to help other members of the community. We are content to use the church, but we are often too selfish to be used in the church. Yet the church as described in God's Word clearly mandates that all Christians use their gifts to serve the community: "As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ" (1 Pet. 4:10-11).

If everyone treated Yelp selfishly & refused to leave reviews to benefit others, no one else would be served. Likewise, in the church, you & I are mandated to not merely show up, but to "Yelp" so that others in the community can glorify God. The church was not set up so that a few select people could carry the majority of the work of service. The church was meant so that "each one" who has "received a gift" could come not only to be served, but to serve. As Paul writes, "For the body does not consist of one member but of many...But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. If all were a single member, where would the body be?" (1 Cor. 12:14-31).

And so I encourage us this morning- how are you "yelping" at your local church? What gifts, talents, experience, and wisdom has God given you so that you can bless others? If you aren't active in your church, what would happen to your church if everyone had the same inactivity?

Preaching and Monkey Bars

This one may insult your intelligence. Or compel you to insult mine.

Why do we focus so highly on preaching in our churches? Pastors spend hours a week preparing and studying and praying, and our churches spend nearly half of their Sunday mornings listening to God's Word being (I hope) accurately taught.

It is clear that preaching is a primary focus of the church. I won't document it here, but from Acts 2:42-47 to the Pastoral Epistles, it is clear that churches should preach God's word, and Christians should listen and feast on God's truth. My first thought is, "Isn't it strange that God set things up this way for his church? Sitting and listening on a Sunday?" A second thought is, "What is the purpose and effect of regular preaching for our churches?"

Paul said to Timothy, "Keep a close watch on yourself and on the teaching. Persist in this, for by so doing you will save both yourself and your hearers" (1 Timothy 4:16). Now it is clear from the context that much of Timothy's congregation ("hearers") were believers. Certainly, some weren't, but many were. Yet Paul's encouragement is that Timothy persist in his teaching so that he "will save" himself and those who listen! While I won't get into the "Can I lose my salvation issue here" (You can research that for yourself here), it is notable that Timothy is encouraged to preach so that all his hearers (and himself) would be saved!

We need God's grace everyday- without it, we would each certainly "make a shipwreck of our faith" and turn away from Christ. It is only the beauty of his grace that keeps us. And a hose that he sprays his grace out of is faithful, inspiring, passionate preaching of His word.

This thought literally enters my mind at least weekly. I envision my life as a trek through a long line of monkey bars (you don't need me to tell you how these work do you?) I grab daily onto God's grace, cling for dear life, and swing to the next promise, truth, revelation, conviction that God uses to hold me up day in and day out. Preaching is God placing a 'monkey bar' in front of us on a regular basis. We need grace, we need truth to sustain, we are losing momentum and ready to fail, and we need truth to hold onto. So God, through pastors like Timothy (and your pastor!), presents truth to you on a regular basis to sustain you and keep you held up by his grace.

As Jeremiah wrote, "His mercies (aka 'monkey bars') are new every morning."

The Sermons of our Culture

I nearly cried watching Michael Jackson's funeral the other day. And not because I will miss him, nor because of his daughter's tearful farewell, and definitely not because of my sore back thanks to my moonwalk attempts. I was heavy-hearted, not by the death of the king of pop, but by the dishonor given King Jesus.

Our culture is constantly preaching messages, through commercials, songs, movies, articles, and through the funeral the other day. The name of Jesus was referenced, heaven was spoken of, and yet the service closed with the message that, "We are the world," truth is relative, and let's accept all worldviews as equally valid (regardless of their correspondence with history, reality, etc.). Much else can be said, but my main concern is that the real, actual, living, historical Jesus is sharply misrepresented. The natural man affirms loudly and loves the big themes, for they make him 'feel' peace- "God is love," "We are all God's children," "Jesus gives hope and peace..." However, we detach these 'big themes' from the 'smaller' details, questions, and answers that make these big themes true! Jesus is peace! But how do we get that peace in light of our sin? God is love! But what does that love consist of, and what changes does it cause in our lives? The peace of Jesus & the love of God mean nothing if they don't answer questions and solve problems related to the plight of my soul and the glory of God. We want to affirm big, feel-good themes, but we want to detach them from reality, detach them from history, and therefore detach them from any real significance beyond a sound-bite.

I have thought of several biblical & Christian observations & responses to this example of a widespread issue that the church must face and engage in:

- Apologetics is a must-study for every Christian. You do apologetics on your couch.

- We are now a post-Christian society.

- We must have our minds ready for battle every day. Holy living starts with holy thinking.

- I'd rather ride a bumpy road to heaven with Jesus, than take a smooth one to hell without him.

- How does our Christian theology actually affect our morals? Does it?

- Is your day in, day out, faith based in history?

- What is your answer for the hope that is in you?

- Do all religions really lead to God?

- In our culture's worldview, who gets punished or goes to hell? Does anyone?'

- Can you explain what the "love of God" actually & practically means?

- What are your emotions when God & his word are disregarded? Are you hurt, heavy, & sad?

- Do you have love for the non-Christian? If so, how do you show it?

What other reactions do you have?

Sad Day

Something sad happened to me (in me?) today. I was perusing a church's website and was reading their vision, doctrine and mission statement. There, they mentioned something along the lines of "we want to be a church who...loves homosexuals..." The first thought that I had was, "Wow, I wonder if this church is solid..."

Undoubtedly- Jesus is the God who inhabited earth, attended parties, and was reamed by the religious elite for hanging out with & loving the prostitute and the tax collector. If it were God's plan for Jesus to physically walk the earth today, he would be reamed by the religious elite for being around & loving the homosexual.

Now, I am not faulting my thinking, nor am I faulting the church's wording on their website. But it is sad that we have gotten to a point in our church culture and our culture as a whole, where something biblical and Christ-like ("loving homosexuals") has been misinterpreted by the world and by many 'christians.' It is to the point where I read something that Jesus would have done ("love homosexuals"), and I wonder if they really mean something Jesus would not have done ("approve of the homosexual lifestyle"). The same phrase- "love homosexuals"- can apply (and has been applied) to an act that is God-honoring or to an act that is God-disgracing.

This is the world we live in. I didn't create this challenge or ask for it. But we must accept it- walk like Jesus and love the outcast. And be prepared to embrace the tension from the liberal (for condemning the sin) and from the self-righteous & arrogant legalist (for really, truly loving the sinner).

What show do we put on?

Lyrics for Jon Foreman's song "Instead of a Show"...written from God's perspective to His hypocritical people. (check the song out above, very convicting) Any thoughts on why we as Christians overlook many who 'have no hope at all'? What would God say to us, or to our church about this matter? He spoke to Israel about it many times (Amos 5:21-24), and what would he say to me & you?

I hate all your show and pretense
The hypocrisy of your praise
The hypocrisy of your festivals
I hate all your show
Away with your noisy worship
Away with your noisy hymns
I stomp on my ears when you're singing 'em
I hate all your show

Instead let there be a flood of justice
An endless procession of righteous living, living
Instead let there be a flood of justice
Instead of a show

Your eyes are closed when you're praying
You sing right along with the band
You shine up your shoes for services
There's blood on your hands
You turned your back on the homeless
And the ones that don't fit in your plan
Quit playing religion games
There's blood on your hands

Instead let there be a flood of justice
An endless procession of righteous living, living
Instead let there be a flood of justice
Instead of a show
I hate all your show

Let's argue this out
If your sins are blood red
Let's argue this out
You'll be one of the clouds
Let's argue this out
Quit fooling around
Give love to the ones who can't love at all
Give hope to the ones who got no hope at all
Stand up for the ones who can't stand at all, all
I hate all your show